1. My friend got divorced recently.
She wanted to prove to herself and the world that she is still someone capable of finding a good man. That is why she quickly jumped into a relationship with a guy she just met. They went on a long walk through the city. In the middle of their turn, he said that he was hungry. Naturally, she immediately thought that they are going to the restaurant. The two of them continued walking until they reached some apartment building. At one of the entrances, the guy said, “hey, wait for me here. I will go to my apartment to grab a snack, and I will get back to you.”
2. About a month ago I came out on a date.
He wanted to buy an ice cream for me, and I chose a chocolate flavor. A couple of hours later he took me home, and at in the middle of the most incredible moment, I became embarrassed. He started talking about my face. He said that he didn’t notice that I had so many birthmarks on my face, but he thinks that I am beautiful with them and that there are always some medical treatments for them. First I got confused, then angry, decided to go home, and said goodbye. I was thinking about the things he told me and nothing made any sense. However, when I arrived home, I looked in a mirror and saw a huge brown chocolate ice cream stain on my cheek.
3. About a year ago, I took a girl on a first date to a karaoke bar.
She wanted to sing and chose Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You.” She sang it flawlessly! The entire room applauded to her. And everything would be aw
esome only if she hadn’t shouted to the whole room that she was dedicating that song to her ex-boyfriend.
4. I suggested to my date that we should go to see an art-house movie.
We got to the movie theatre and bought a ticket for the next film. We didn’t know anything about it, just sat in our seats and waited for it to begin. It turned out that it was an English movie and my date didn’t know English that well so he had to read a subtitle. But he was shortsighted too, so I apologized, and we continued to watch the movie. The first scene was epic, and I will not be able to erase it from my mind to the end of my life. It was a naked man getting up from a bathtub and started masturbating. It turned out that the movie was an about a nymphomaniac who had an older lover. The entire movie had shocking scenes like that. I blushed like a tomato and suggested to leave immediately. But that is not the end of my “exciting” night. On our way back I felt very sick. It seems I had caught the stomach flu that had been circulating at that moment. He led me to the subway, green in my face and sweating. I can only say that we never went to the second date. However, that is one funny day to remember.
5. I went to meet up with my date.
And about ten minutes before the date a bird pooped on me. There was nothing I could’ve done to clean that up. I decided not to tell my date about what happened. However, it was evident that bird poop smells terrible. There was that unpleasant smell around me during the entire evening, and I didn’t want to say anything. That was not a good thing for a first date.
6. I took one girl to Starbucks because I was so nervous that I even forgot her name!!!
7. I love photography, and my date found that out.
That is why he invited me on a date very early in the morning so that I could make some good photos of a morning fog by the lake. It was late November, and the weather was freezing. I had two of my cameras and a backpack. After a few hours of walking around the lake, he walked down some steps and shouted out that I need to take a look of the shore. I followed his footsteps down the steps, and suddenly I tripped and fell into the water. The only thing that ran through my head was, “Look how brown the water is!”.
8. One of my dates went so badly that I had to give $10 to waiter only to “accidentally” spill coffee on me.
9. Last year I invited a girl to the movies on our first date.
It was November, and she came wearing a coat with a bright scarf tied around her neck. She was the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen in my life. Ten minutes into the movie, I realized that it was some terrible movie. I started shifting around and thinking about how to save the entire evening. I began cracking jokes and making fun of the film. She was smiling, but she didn’t turn her gaze away from the screen even one moment. I thought that she couldn’t care less about what I had to say. I tried my best with the jokes, but I failed. She later told me that a few days before our date she had damaged her neck. She had to wear a neck brace. That is why she couldn’t turn her head.
10. I once went on a double date.
It was my friend’s idea. They told me to bring a bottle of red wine. I came to their house, tripped over a doorway straight into the living room, fell, and broke that bottle against their white sofa. I mean, it had been white up until that point. That was the end of the beginning of that relationship.
11. My date and I spent a fantastic night at a restaurant.
I was already in love with the guy as we were returning home. I felt so good and proud of myself, of how I looked in that new red dress, and how everything came to be. Right after we got out of the subway, we went into one small underpass. That is where I tripped and fell into the dirt. I was so embarrassed that I wanted the ground to open and take me. However, my date picked me up, hugged me, calmed me, and helped me clean myself. Then he pressed me against him and finally kissed me. Later on, he told me that he doesn’t know if he would’ve had the courage to kiss me if I didn’t fall. Serendipity!
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