1. Flash Mob
I had to prepare and memorize a speech for some convention. That is why I stayed up during the entire night and what do you think happened on the stage? I went out to the stage and yawned! The entire audience yawned with me! That was the biggest flash mob of my life!
2. An Unusual Marriage Proposal
One handsome blue-eyed, dark-haired, beautiful guy wearing a very nice, modern jacket and shoes, approached me this morning, came up and said, “Hey beautiful, do you want to go out on a date with me?” I politely told him that I was married, and he calmly informed me that he was more than willing to wait until my husband died! After this phrase, a woman approached, picked up my 4-year-old groom, and took that beautiful boy away. He even winked at me as he was moving away.
3. Forever Young
Yesterday, in the locker room of the gym, I started talking with the guy that was next to me. He was well built but looked a bit shabby. He started teaching me how to exercise properly, what to eat, and things like that. He said that I shouldn’t drink or smoke and that I should have a cheerful and relaxed attitude towards life if I wanted to stay healthy and to look younger. He ended his speech with, “Do as I do, and at the age of 36 you will look the same.” He doesn’t know that I am turning 39 this year. I am so proud of myself!
About a month ago, I went with my husband’s mother to the local post office. While we were standing in line, one older lady came up to me and started yelling at me, “You are dressed like a prostitute! Your skirt is too short! That is a disgrace!!!” To which, my mother-in-law replied, “Get off my daughter, or I will break you into so many pieces that no doctor will be able to put you back together!” I always liked here, but that is the moment I started calling her MOTHER.
5. Sphynx Cat
I bought a Sphynx kitten a while ago. Every time my granny comes to our house she begins to pray, looking at my pet and whispering, “holy, holy”. Today, my granny came to visit us again, and she handed me a tiny knitted overall and said, “Here, put this on your monster. Even though that thing looks like a demon, it is probably freezing!”
Every time my mom and dad start quarreling, my kitten faints. My mom and dad then have to stop and take the kitten to the veterinarian. They make peace on the way. My kitten is actually the fluffy guarding of my family.
7. Friendly Thugs
Once I got lost when I was a little girl. I was standing in the middle of the sidewalk, crying. A gang of thugs walked by and they practically surrounded me. One of them squatted in front of me wiped my tears off and asked me why was I alone. For an hour, these boys walked me around the city looking for my house. When they handed me over to my mother, who had been searching for me all around the nearby streets, their leader handed me a candy, patted me on the head, and said to me, “No more crying, all right!?” He left with his entire gang and refused to take any reward.
This morning I sent a message to my husband asking, “What is love?” He texted me back, “It is when your wife has a mayonnaise on the one side of her lip and a chocolate on the other side, and you believe her when she says that she is on a diet… because you love her.”
I live in a small town and I have a hobby. I like to fix toys. Children usually come to me from all over the city to repair their toys. They bring cars, toy weapons, and even soft toys. I will do anything to see them happy when they take their favorite toys from my little “repair shop”. Their “thank you uncle Alex” is perfectly fine for me even though I am only 17. I don’t take any fees, but they keep bringing me candy and biscuits. My parents understand all that and they don’t mind all the tiny visitors. I bring them joy and that really makes me happy.
10. The Father’s Day
Today, I went to buy winter shoes. Standing next to me, there was a father with his kid that was trying on some shoes.
Dad: Do you like these?
Son: Yeah, I like them!
Dad: The price is good, we are taking them!
Son: (shocked!) And now what!? That is it!? We are not going anywhere else! I am only going shopping with you from now on!!!
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