Some people are still really touchy about letting their ADULT children sleep in the same bed as their significant others if they’re not married.
I guess “to each their own”, but it seems a little bit extreme to me.
Take a look at this story from Reddit’s “Am I the *sshole?” page and we’ll see how readers reacted.
AITA for not allowing my daughter to sleep in the same bed as her boyfriend?
“My daughter and her boyfriend celebrated Easter with us (me, my husband, and our son/her brother). I asked her boyfriend to stay in our guest room, as they aren’t married yet and my husband and I believe it’s inappropriate to share a bed before marriage. Neither her or her boyfriend said anything at the time, but later it came up that they don’t visit more often because we won’t “allow” them to sleep together.
“I think this is ridiculous. After all, it’s our house and our rules. My daughter agreed, but then said she’d still prefer to sleep with her boyfriend and thinks our rule is what’s actually ridiculous. She then tried to tell us that they still respect our rule. I pointed out that she was clearly lying about that, since she was withholding her very presence from her own family. I said she was punishing us for having a very reasonable rule, and that she obviously doesn’t truly respect “our house, our rules”. She changed the subject then. At the end of their trip I asked when the next we’ll see them again, and was told “maybe the 4th of July, unless [they] make plans with [boyfriend’s] family first”. When I pointed out she was still trying to punish us (who waits three months in between visits to their parents?), she just left.
“My husband feels that I’m right and our daughter is being unspeakably rude, but my son thinks we’re in the wrong and it’s “not a big deal”.”
“She’s 25 and he’s 26. They’ve been together for three years and living together for two. I didn’t include this because the rule isn’t based on their ages or if they’re cohabiting, so I didn’t think it was important. They will be allowed to share a bed under our roof once they’re married and not a second sooner.
“Some people seem to think we’re upset that she’s choosing to stay in a hotel room instead of with us. This is not the case. She’s choosing to avoid seeing us at all, instead of spending time with her family.
“A lot of people are under the impression that my daughter and her boyfriend visit every three months – this isn’t the case at all. They usually only visit 2 or 3 times a year. I could understand before, with the pandemic, and before that they were in college, but we expected more frequent visits now that they’re not as busy. Her brother manages to see us once a month, so we know it’s not too unreasonable of an ask. But she certainly doesn’t visit every three months. If she chooses not to come in July, we won’t get to see her until October at the earliest.”
How readers reacted:
“They respect your rule. They just choose not to visit often because of the rule and don’t agree with it. You are choosing your rule over them visiting.”
“YTA, you’re not just asking them to follow your rules, you seem to feel entitled to control her feelings about your rules. “My rules have affected her comfort at my home and she stays here less as a result. How can I force my adult child to visit?”
“If you don’t like the outcome you can change your rule if you like, you cannot force her to do anything. She’s not disrespecting you, she is respecting her own wishes. Congratulations on raising a woman with boundaries who isn’t a doormat (I really mean that you should be proud).
“Your house your rules… agreed Her body her rules.”
“YTA, but for a specific reason. You can set whatever rules you want, but if they decide not to come because of those rules THEY ARE STILL RESPECTING THE RULES, and you are TA if you get mad about that.
“My house, my rules!” “OK, then, we won’t come to your house because we don’t like those rules.”
“sides are in the right on that exchange.”
How about you? What do you think?