We’ve all seen it before: your friend gets a new boyfriend, and then she completely disappears. Gone are your Friday-night reality TV sessions, your texting buddy who now leaves your messages unread for days. You know your friend has become so absorbed in the relationship that she’s lost herself, at least some part of her—the part that valued her friends and your time and activities together.
Maybe you’ve even witnessed this in yourself.
We often don’t notice it when we lose ourselves in our relationships. It’s always easier to spot the signs when you’re not the one going through it. If you’re confused about whether you’ve lost yourself or are starting to lose yourself in your relationship, here are 12 behaviours that can clue you in.
1. You no longer spend some time for yourself.
Are you with your partner almost every second of the day? Do you no longer have the time to read your favorite book? Do you no longer have the time to play your favorite game? Do you no longer have the time to write, draw, or just stroll around the city? If you don’t get to spend some time on yourself anymore, it’s the first sign you’re losing yourself.
Remember that a healthy relationship means you still get to enjoy some time alone while staying happy with your partner.
2. You compromise your wants and needs for your partner.
Do you not go on a weekend getaway with your friends because your partner can’t go with you? Or, do you choose to not go out with your best friends even if you want to because your partner gets jealous of them? Sometimes, your partner’s insecurity will make you choose between doing the things that you want or need and just following your partner. If you always do the latter, then it’s a sign that you’re losing yourself in that relationship.
3. You start losing your social life.
Do you not go out with your friends anymore? Do you not talk to them at all? You might have been obsessed with the idea of being with your partner that you no longer have time for your friends. However, as you start having problems with your partner, you start realizing that you’ve lost touch with your friends.
If you were single, would you forget your friends? Would you choose to just cut your ties with them? Remember that a healthy relationship will not let you compromise your other relationships with your loved ones.
4. You always say yes.
Do you always end up saying yes to your partner just so you won’t fight? Do you just agree with your partner and give up even your core values because you’re too afraid he or she will break up with you? If you become the yes type of girlfriend or boyfriend, then you need some introspection and self-examination.
Remember your right to speak up. Remember your right to say no. Remember your own values before you committed yourself to that relationship.
5. You’re starting to lose your confidence.
Do you feel dependent on your partner? Do you feel like you can’t do things without your partner? If you’ve forgotten how independent you were before the relationship started and you’re starting to lose your confidence, then, it’s a sign that you’re starting to lose yourself.
Remember that your partner is supposed to boost your confidence because you know that he or she will be there for you and will support you no matter what.
6. You can’t decide on your own.
Do you often wait for your partner’s approval before doing something? Does he or she decide what you’re going to wear in an event you are attending? Do you always have to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend permission when you hang out with your friends? If he or she says no, do you choose to just stay at home? Or, do you let your partner decide where you should work or what type of job you should choose? If you’ve experienced these things, then you’re starting to lose yourself in a relationship.
Remember that a strong and independent person will decide on his or her own. While it’s alright to get some pieces of advice from your partner, at the end of the day, it’s still your decision that matters. Your partner is just there to support you; he or she shouldn’t lead your life.
7. You lose sight of your own dreams.
Are you starting to lose your determination and dedication to achieve your goals in life? Are you starting to lose the drive to work? Are you starting to set your dreams aside? These are signs that you’re losing yourself in a relationship.
Remember that a healthy relationship makes you even more motivated to be successful and be a better person. Also, your dreams are the ones that give you a sense of purpose in life, so don’t ever lose sight of them.
8. You pass up opportunities for your partner.
Have you been offered your dream job but didn’t accept it because it would mean being miles away from your partner? Have you received a full scholarship to study abroad but would mean a long-distance relationship with your partner? Cases like these can be really hard.
However, you might want to ask yourself: “If I were single, would I accept this offer”? If your answer is yes, then maybe you’re starting to lose a part of yourself. Remember that a mature relationship means supporting each other even when it means sacrificing for each other.
9. You feel unattractive.
Do you no longer feel the need to dress up? Do you not feel good about yourself? Do you feel unattractive even when you’re with your partner? Then, you might have started losing yourself in the relationship.
Remember that being in a relationship is supposed to make you feel beautiful. It’s supposed to make you bloom.
10. You miss your single life.
Do you miss the freedom of being single? Do you miss the times when you don’t have to keep updating anyone where you are, what you’re doing, and who you’re with? Do you miss the times when you are at peace with yourself and you can do anything you want? If you miss your single life, it’s another sign you’re starting to lose yourself in a relationship.
11. You look for anything that fills the void.
Do you find yourself binge-watching or binge-eating? Do you grab every little opportunity just to make yourself happy no matter how fleeting it is? Then, it can be another sign that you’re losing yourself in a relationship.
Remember that a healthy relationship makes you truly happy. You don’t have to do or look for anything just to fill the void.
12. You’re just going through the motions of life.
Do you feel like everything is a routine? Is it a chore for you to wake up every day? Is it a chore for you to watch a movie with your partner or cook for him or her? Or, do you simply lack the drive to do anything in your life? These are serious signs that you’re losing yourself in a relationship.
Remember that being in a relationship is supposed to make you feel excited and appreciate life more.
Did you get most of the signs mentioned above?
Sources: wanderamylessly.com, inspiringtips.com