Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Opp officer: Age?
Husband: I’m not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don’t do birthdays.
OPP officer: Height?
Husband: I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
OPP OFFICER: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
OPP OFFICER: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
OPP OFFICER: Color of hair? Husband: Changes a couple of times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember. OPP OFFICER: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly.
OPP OFFICER: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
OPP OFFICER: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: 2016, manufactured September 16th, pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate-controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
At this point, the husband started choking up.
OPP OFFICER: Take it, easy sir, we’ll find your truck.