So you’re wondering if he’s a keeper?
That is, until the evening he’s a no-show for dinner, doesn’t mention forgetting your date when he calls, and then says it’s all your fault when you bring it up.
You hang up (or stop texting) dumbfounded.
The next time something similar happens, you start to doubt yourself, not the relationship.
You wonder what you’re doing wrong, and the next thing you know you’re crying into your pillow and believing you’re not good enough.
Stop the madness! The game of Life and Love is way too short to spend time on someone who doesn’t value you.
Think twice before teaming up in any kind of relationship with an insecure man who plays one of these three mind games.
1. The Blame Game
Blame is a potent weapon in the hands of men who play games. Blaming others for unpleasant situations often hurts, especially if you don’t know where you acted wrong.
Often, blaming others is a projection tactic in insecure man mind games. They know they are at fault but can’t admit it. Their next step is to direct their anger to others.
What to do when someone blames you?
Analyze the situation to know where the problem is and talk to a friend or family member. They will offer you a clear and objective perspective that will help you decide the next step.
2. The Shame Game
A close, more subtle cousin of blaming, shaming is on the rise these days, especially on social media. However, shaming in a relationship can become toxic.
People can shame you without any action on your part.
They can call you and insinuate you’re even breathing wrong.
Shamers are often co-dependent. They want to tear you down to build themselves up, and they shame you to manipulate you because they’re afraid to lose you if you discover that you’re better than them at something.
What to do if someone is shaming you in a relationship?
Don’t buy into shame, and walk away. The shame game is never a good relationship tool. It means we’re not owning our own stuff. It comes from a place of desperation and fear.
Shame also creates a vicious circle of co-dependency. We become too afraid to leave our partnership, our office, our friendship, while they continue to make us feel less-than so we won’t leave.
Don’t engage, and if the shaming becomes chronic, distance yourself, emotionally and physically, for good.
3.The Fame Game
With both shame and blame comes guilt over success. A manipulator will often project their insecurities of failure onto you, guilting you into not feeling adequate enough. They can lie to you and throw their insecurities and problems at you to conceal their own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. If your partner is using you to feed their own ego, you may want to confide in someone you can trust, as mentioned before.
Even though you may want to help this person, an insecure man will use your sympathy and feelings of guilt to pull you deeper into a more vicious cycle. If anyone in your life uses you as a pedestal for their own ego, it may be time to walk away and surround yourself with people who will love and appreciate you.
References: yourtango.com, marriage.com, womenworking.com